How to use writing to process your miscarriage

If you have recently experienced the loss of a loved one, I am so sorry, and my heart goes out to you. Three weeks ago today I miscarried my first baby. The aftermath of that loss has been such a hard journey. But writing has played a part in processing everything, from the actual miscarriage, to all the feelings afterwards. I want to share with you how you can also use writing to help you process through these feelings and find some healing in the midst of your pain.

Miscarriage is something nothing can prepare you for. It’s something no one ever wants to walk through. It can be very difficult to understand what’s even happening, and find peace in such a terrible situation. I have found (still am) that writing has helped me find some calm in this storm of dark days.

The in-between

Through the entire process of waiting to find out for sure if our pregnancy had ended I was journaling my feelings and thoughts on everything. I find that it helps to get these things down on paper. By writing down my feelings and thoughts, it helps me rest in the fact that I don’t need to keep thinking the same things over and over for fear I’ll forget them. I can just write it down and then come back to it if I need.

The miscarriage

After I miscarried, I felt this urgency to not forget a single detail about my experience. I wanted to have it somewhere safe that I could read back on to remember it. It may sound strange: wanting to remember such a sad time. But, for me, it scared me to think of forgetting my last moments with this pregnancy. I want to have those memories safe forever.

What I did after my miscarriage is write down everything I remembered from the night and following days of my experience. This took me a few days to complete, as the time after miscarriage is very taxing emotionally, as well as physically and spiritually. I would usually just write a bit at a time, and then put it aside till I felt up to continuing the story.

I found after my miscarriage that the details and timings of everything were very blurry. I don’t know if this is because of the amount of pain I was in, or because of a trauma response. But I didn’t worry too much about stressing to remember. My husband had more of an idea of the timeline than me, so as I wrote down everything I would just ask him for any pieces of information I had missing. It was good too to be able to invite him into that process of remembering and processing.

I wrote down most things from the day of miscarriage to all the significant events after such as the little burial we did, and how the following days went.

You may not have the mental energy to relive your miscarriage straight away. That is completely okay. Take the time you need, and let rest and healing be your main priority, whatever that looks like to you. It may not be an important part of healing for you to go through everything that happened, it just was for me.

The days ahead

Something I have discovered is that there is no timeline on healing and grieving. It is something that will be completely unique to each person. Because of this, there will be plenty of opportunity to process through writing going forward. Journaling has been something I keep coming back to. I find that it’s usually the hard days I reach for my pen.

However writing plays a part for you, just know, all the effort you put into being kind to yourself and healing will eventually pay off. Healing may not come with a couple days of journaling, but healing will come in its time. Keep pressing into the pain and know that the morning always breaks.

Other forms of processing through writing I’ve found helpful

Not only have I journaled my grief and pain, I have also written poetry and songs about it. There are many ways to use writing to move through this hard time. Songwriting is one of my major ways to process life, so I actually ended up writing a whole album about my pregnancy and miscarriage journey. You can listen to it on streaming platforms, it’s called “Wren” after the name we chose for our baby in heaven.

Poetry

You may enjoy some more creative types of writing to move through these feelings, or just sit in them. Poetry is a way to write in a more abstract and descriptive way. You can read my poem about miscarraige here.

Songwriting

If songwriting is something you enjoy, this could be a great way to express your feelings. The pain, disappointment, sorrow, hope, and whatever else you are feeling at this time. If you haven’t written a song before but would like to try, you can read how I write songs here.

A closing word

I want to finish by saying that my heart truly hurts for you in this hard time. I hope this post can help you on your way to finding healing and walking through this painful season of life. Just know you are not alone, and no matter how dark the day feels, there is hope. Things are going to get better. Morning always breaks. There is more than what you are feeling and going through right now. God’s plans for you are full of light and colour, I promise.

If you would like to learn more about writing, feel free to browse more blog posts here , or contact me if you have any questions. You can also find me on YouTube at The Windy Wildflower, or the podcast at The Windy Wildflower Podcast. We talk about writing, songwriting, and being a Christian creative in all these places. I also have a free writing resource you can grab on this website here! Join me on the journey of learning to glorify God with our creativity and making dreams a reality.

Till next time friends,

Nika